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overwhelmed by support

Since Gray’s cancer diagnosis, our local high school has reached out to 0ur family in ways that we could have never imagined. A few weeks ago they held a car wash in Gray’s honor and raised funds for cancer awareness and now they have taken their support even further! A couple of the students who I have had the pleasure of getting to know at our church have used the positions they hold in their senior class to reach out to Grayson and our family. Most recently, the Student Leadership Class has chosen Gray for their “King and Queen of Hearts Campaign”, which will help raise money for Grayson’s treatment and prescription costs. This is a picture of Caitlyn Clark, chairperson for Relay 4 Life at the high school. Thank you Mustang High for so greatly supporting our family and for reaching out to our little Grayson. The hand you have extended to us was a surprise but it is greatly appreciated! We are humbled more then you could know!

Yesterday morning, Gray had his blood drawn and his levels tested. When we were given the results it was exciting to learn that Gray’s white blood cell levels had not yet dropped! Even though we know they will at some point this week any number of days we can have with a healthy feeling boy are good days! Today we had yet another appointment at the hospital. This morning they had to access Gray’s port and inject dye for the bone scan scheduled for tomorrow. Our entire life feels like doctors appointment after doctors appointment. The only day we have nothing scheduled this week is Thursday. Tomorrow we take Grayson back to the hospital again for another blood test and for his first post-chemo bone scan. There are no words to describe how we are feeling. We are anxious to find out the results of tomorrow’s bone scan but almost scared to death at the same time. Just knowing that at some point tomorrow we will hear how our son is responding to his chemo treatments is nerve racking to say the least. It’s downright scary. Please pray that our nerves will be calmed and that our entire family gets a good nights sleep tonight. We will need it. Also, please pray that as we approach the next few weeks we have strength, understanding, patience and peace. We have a concrete schedule of doctors visits, blood tests, chemo treatments, a marrow harvest, and bone scans spread over the next three weeks. We also know for sure that Gray will be admitted to the hospital for at least eight days out of the next twenty. Sigh. We don’t know what tomorrow holds and while we knew that it’s all in God’s hands we also covet your prayers for our sanity. We are doing our best to stay strong for Grayson AND Seth while at the same time trying to remain real with ourselves and each other. We’re doing our best to maintain our hope for a miracle while at the same time looking at our calendar every day and seeing Gray’s schedule staring back at us. It’s overwhelming. Thank you for allowing us to share with you day after day and thank you for supporting us in our ups and downs. It truly is comforting on some level to know there are more people then we can count continuing to read Gray’s story and pray for him. When we don’t feel like we can walk through one more day we know that your prayers are helping strengthen us.

“But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.” Romans 8:24-27

our new halloween

Happy Halloween!! This was our first “holiday” since Gray’s diagnosis and we had to celebrate a bit differently then we normally would. There are some things we had to change that we never would have thought about before and some things that pretty obviously had to be done differently. First of all, when Gray was released from the hospital after his surgery and first round of chemo, we were told that he could not be around fresh fruit, particularly the skins of fresh fruit. We were shocked to hear this but it became all the more real when none of our family was able to carve pumpkins for Halloween. Something so routine, like carving a jack-o-lantern, has suddenly become life threatening for Gray. We couldn’t risk even having pumpkins at our home so instead we pulled out the ol’ plug in, light up style pumpkin and let that be our decoration. We also couldn’t allow trick-or-treaters to visit our home and we couldn’t go trick-or-treating ourselves. When you have a child with cancer you view the world, and all its germs, in a whole new way. Suddenly, everything has the potential of compromising Grayson’s fragile immune system. Instead, though, of marooning ourselves into our home, in fear, we made the best of our “new found normal” and planned an alternative and yet very fun Halloween celebration! We invited over some close family friends who have two boys that are friends with both our kids and had a mini Halloween Carnival in the backyard!! We played games like “Ring Toss Around the Pumpkin”, “Bean Bag Tic-Tac-Toe” and “Pin the Nose on the Pumpkin”!! Both of our boys had fun and we felt better to keep Gray in a controlled environment. We, of course, loaded up all four boys with TONS of candy and had pizza and cookies for dinner!! It was a fun night!!

After our at home party, we did take the boys to our church’s annual Fall Festival. They had set up Trunk-or-Treat in the parking lot where the children could go from car trunk to car trunk and receive candy and then could go inside and play games, get their face painted, jump in the bouncy house and enjoy yummy treats like snow cones and nachos!! Our friends, who came over for our alternative halloween party, took Seth inside for some fun but we chose not to let Gray go in. With the jam packed crowds and huge tubs of candy where every coughing, snotty nosed, child has reached their bare hands in we couldn’t, in good conscience, let Gray go there. Seth had a blast, though, with his friends Ashtyn and Maddox and he came home with WAY too much candy!!

Halloween was alot of fun and it felt good to be able to plan something that all the boys enjoyed that also included Grayson, but I have to admit that this first holiday in our “new life” was a huge reminder of what is to come. Thoughts of Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter begin to flood our minds. You can’t escape it. Will Gray be able to sit around our Thanksgiving table? Will he be able to hunt eggs with all the other kids? We so desperately want to push these questions from our minds but we can’t. Not because we don’t want to but because they must be dealt with. I know that Gray won’t know the difference and he’ll have fun with whatever we plan. He doesn’t know he’s missing anything. But as a mom it’s so hard to see your child sit in the car watching a movie while all the other kids bob for apples. Sigh. Please keep us in prayer this week as Gray has three blood tests to monitor his white blood cell counts. His tests are on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. When his cell counts drop we will again begin to give Gray his daily shots to help raise the white blood cell count back to a normal level. We also desperately ask for your prayers for Wednesday as Gray goes in for his first post chemo bone scan. After the scan we should get results on whether or not his chemo treatments are working. We will soon find out if Gray’s tumor is shrinking. We’re scared. We will also very soon begin giving Grayson double his daily shots (the same shots that raise his white blood cell counts) in order to raise his cell counts to an extremely high level before Gray is admitted to the hospital to harvest his bone marrow. Although, we know in our heads that this all must be done in order to make our son better our hearts are screaming out to protect our baby boy from more needles, sedation and surgeries. It’s a daily, if not hourly, battle we fight within ourselves. We’ve been told that when we double up Grayson’s shots it could make his bones ache even more then they already do because his bones will be producing cells so rapidly. Sometimes it’s scary to me that we even know all this information let alone know it about our own child. We truly thank you all for your continued prayers. We know they are keeping Grayson strong and keeping our family just as strong so we can be there for Gray and help him in his fight. It’s one day at a time for us right now. One breath at a time. One glance at a time. One smile at a time. One sigh at a time. It’s one moment at a time.

“As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.”  Ecclesiastes 11:5

faith + fear = LIFE

Whew! We made it! Today was Grayson’s last day of outpatient chemo for this round. The week was exhausting. Beyond exhausting really. There’s not even a word to describe it. Honestly, I think Gray has handled it all better and feels better then any of us! Ironic. He’s still smiling, as you can clearly see! Today, all the kids got to dress up and trick-or-treat around the hospital! The nurses were dressed up like Peanuts characters. It really was alot of fun! Gray enjoyed himself and when we see his huge smile and those big blue eyes beaming up at us we can’t help but enjoy ourselves too, even if it is just for a moment. Gray was supposed to have visitors today. He’s been asking for some of his friends to visit and we had plans for them to come to the hospital today and play with Gray during his chemo treatment. Unfortunately, one of those friends woke up with a cough and so plans changed. Anyone who is coughing, sneezing or remotely sick in any way is asked not to visit children receiving chemo. It was disappointing. We were sad in the moment but also a bit sad knowing that today is a glimpse into our future. Plans are no longer concrete. The tiniest cough or stuffy nose can change our entire day. Cancer can be so isolating for Gray and our entire family. It can be lonely. We’ve come to the realization recently that if one of our immediate family got sick they too would have to steer clear of Gray. They may even have to stay out of our home until they got well. Sigh. We’re trying not to let our minds go there. We’re trusting the Lord. I recently put together a collage for Grayson’s room out of the many “get well” cards that he has received from family, friends and children at church. It’s nice to have a constant visual reminder of all the prayers and well wishes being lifted up for Gray and our family everyday!

If you would, please continue to pray for our family. We know that life moves on and we know that every person cannot be on their knees at every moment crying out to God on our behalf, but really, any prayer means so much to us. Whether you pray in the car on your way to work or simply whisper a prayer with your kids as you tuck them into bed we can feel the effects of every prayer. God is strengthening and sustaining us as a family and we know that we wouldn’t be anywhere near the place we are spiritually or emotionally, at this time, if it wasn’t for your continued thoughts and prayers. Please continue on with your lives. Please enjoy moments with your family. Please make memories. Please laugh and smile. But also, if you would, please continue to pray for our little Grayson. We know God is working on his behalf. We know that Gray is being used to reach more people around the world then we can even begin to imagine and we are trusting God for a miracle. Please continue to pray with us for that miracle!

“But if you will look to God and plead with the Almighty, if you are pure and upright, even now he will rouse himself on your behalf and restore you to your rightful place. Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be.” Job 8:5-7

male bonding

Well, we’ve completed day three of Grayson’s second round of chemo therapy. Today, mom took a much needed break from the hospital while dad took Gray for his treatment. Gray did very well again today! He also has not experienced any new side effects from his chemo! Thank you for all your prayers! They are being heard and answered!

Here is Gray posing for a picture with his favorite crane outside the hospital window!

Gray is quickly learning to push his own IV stand up and down the hallways of the hospital! Before we know it, he will be driving! Watch out world!

Check him out!! They “Grayman” receiving chemo while watching Toy Story…

Oh yeah…this is the life!!!!

It was kind of nice to spend time with Grayson, just daddy and son. He’s such a brave boy. Please continue to pray for us as we finish up this round of chemo, in the next two days. We are so grateful that, thus far, chemo side effects have steered clear of our little man but still ask you for your prayers in this area. Also, please continue to pray for us as a family as we approach the first post-chemo tests to determine how Grayson’s tumor is reacting to the treatments. Although we are anxious to know the results it’s also a very scary time. We would like to take a quick moment to say thank you to the youth pastors, leaders and teenagers in our great state! If you attended Convergence in Tulsa last weekend and either bought Gray Gear or dropped some money in the offering they took for our family we want you to know that we greatly appreciate the monetary gift you blessed us with this week. Gray’s medical bills are mounting, it seems, by the hour and everything you have given us will be put to good use. Thanks again to you all!

“I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”  -Matthew 18:3-4

ugh. enough said.

Not gonna lie…today wasn’t so great. Gray did just fine receiving his chemo treatment and we are excited to report that, so far, Gray has not had any more side effects from his chemo. No nausea, no sickness, no nothing! In fact, if you just looked at Grayson, besides for the fact that he’s bald, you’d never know he was sick! And we often think that Gray views himself as healthy too! He’s so young that he doesn’t understand that he’s “supposed” to feel sick and so when he feels good he acts good! He’s still just a two year old boy who can laugh, play and be in a good mood. It’s nice to see him that way. On the other hand, most of our day was consumed with huge medical words, treatment plans, meetings with doctors and the realization all over again that, in fact, our baby boy really does have cancer. Although it’s never far from our minds the sheer realization of what a cancer diagnosis means for Grayson and our entire family can at times hit us all over again like a ton of bricks. It suddenly weighs on you, heavy, just like it did the first day we heard the word cancer. We have our ups and downs both emotionally, physically and spiritually and today was most definitely a down. While, for Gray, the day was as normal as his new days can be we, as his parents, on the other hand met with a transplant specialist. This new doctor laid out for us Gray’s treatment plan for possibly the next year. It wasn’t easy to hear. After Gray finishes this current round of chemo we will resume giving Grayson shots to recoupe his white blood cell count followed by even more shots to boost his counts more. When his counts reach a certain level Grayson will then be admitted to the hospital for a 3 to 4 day stay when doctors will harvest his bone marrow. We are expecting this to take place sometime in early to mid November. Harvesting bone marrow, although we’re told isn’t painful, sounds like an awful process. Gray will most likely have to be kept in a sedated state for his entire hospital stay as the extraction of bone marrow takes several days and during that time he cannot move AT ALL. We know it has to be done but, obviously, we’re not looking forward to it. After his bone marrow is harvested we will resume Gray’s chemo treatments as scheduled. The treatment plan for the next several months and even into the next year was laid out for us, tentatively. At this time, we would like to keep that to ourselves. It’s so much information and so overwhelming that even we haven’t quite processed it all. Thank you for understanding. We covet and appreciate all your prayers more then you could ever know! At this time, please agree with us that Gray will continue not to experience any new side effects from his chemo treatments. While we know he is sick, and seeing his bald head reminds each day of the brave fight he is fighting, it truly is nice to see Grayson be a normal 2-year-old boy when he’s up to it! We would hate for him to get sick on top of everything else. Also, please pray for us as Grayson’s parents. We really need wisdom and rest. We need to be able to communicate with Grayson’s doctors and nurses and understand what they are telling us. We want what is best for our little man but at times feel so lost in the jumble of doctor jargon. It can be isolating. If you would also pray for our family to find balance between our hospital life and our home life. I’m sure you’ve heard it said that “when one person has cancer the entire family has cancer” and that has never rung more true for us then it does right now. As we sat and listened to Grayson’s treatment plan for the next year it seemed so overwhelmingly daunting that our minds couldn’t even go there. Long gone are the days of counting down to a holiday that’s just around the corner or making big plans for a birthday party or even a family vacation. We are bound to the needs of Grayson and to what tomorrow may or may not hold for him. We’re eager to see Gray well but we don’t want to lose our family through the process. While today was exhausting and we’re still processing all the information we were given, and making lists of questions for our next visit, we wanted to share a smile with you all, while reminding ourselves to smile at the same time! Gray thankfully has been eating really well! We’re so thankful! He even finished a happy meal over the weekend! Beleive it or not that’s an accomplishment to be celebrated! Here is a picture worth way more then a thousand words! Hope it makes you smile as much as it does us!

“Sometimes it’s hard to hear your voice my God. Is the reason that you’re whispering because…you’re one step away?”  -Jason Upton

what’s your tool?

During this time in our lives, so many of our friends have been creative in helping us in any way that they can. They have used their God given gifts and talents to show their support and help our family. We are so grateful to all of you. Whether they can cook, sew, bake, write, create, run or pray, it seems that everyone in our life has stepped up in their own way to show us love. Recently, a 5K was held and some close friends of ours participated in Grayson’s honor. The race was called “Spirit of Survival” and participants could run for themselves or in place of someone who could not. Thank you so much for running in honor of Gray. It may seem like such a small thing but it means alot to our family!

(From left to right: Tiffany Woodson, Christina Woodson and Lacey Jaeger)

Just like Doug said at Convergence, anytime there is a need in your life, or in the life of someone close to you, you can creatively use the gifts and talents God has given you as a tool for His glory!! These women have done just that!! Thank you so much!! Continue to use your ability to run to support those you love and to honor the Lord!!

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”  -Colossians 3:17

what a day…

Gray began his second round of chemo this morning. This is the first time he’s done outpatient chemo. This round is five consecutive days. Each day lasts about six hours and then we are allowed to go home only to come back to the hospital the next morning and do it all over again. Today was a bit rough. When we first arrived, they had to prick Gray’s finger to check his blood levels one last time before beginning this round of chemo treatments. Thankfully, his levels were good! Then the nurses had to penetrate his port in order to begin the treatment. Gray has a permanent port placed in his chest under the skin. They remove the external portion of the port each time we leave the hospital so that Gray isn’t at risk of pulling on it or getting an infection in the port. That part of the removable port is a blessing, the bad part is that he has to be stuck each time he begins a new round of chemo. As the nurse prepared to penetrate Gray’s port, I told her that we may need help in holding Gray down but she thought we should try it with Gray just sitting on my lap. I knew, as his mom, that this wasn’t going to go well but didn’t want to argue with her. Well, as soon as Gray saw the nurse holding the needle he freaked out. He threw himself backwards and screamed at the top of his lungs! Needless to say, reinforcements were called in. We were eventually able to get Gray’s port in working order and his chemo treatment began. We sat with him most of the day only taking a break for lunch, in the hospital cafeteria, while Noni and Papa entertained Grayson. A fun “craft nurse” even came by and helped Gray make some little pipe cleaner spiders! He loved it! In fact, he didn’t want her to leave! Before we could go home they had to draw even more blood from Gray. When Grayson was first diagnosed we signed him up for a medical trial and so today’s blood withdraw was to begin the study. By this point, Grayson was DONE. He did not want another nurse to come near him. Unfortunately, they couldn’t take this second blood sample from his port since it was contaminated with chemo…so, they had to stick him in his arm. After bribing him with a sucker, Gray survived the blood withdraw and we were allowed to go home. The nurse did make sure we had enough nausea medicine for Grayson as they are concerned he may have side effects from his chemo. Even though he didn’t have any, besides hair loss, after the first round we were told he could still experience other side effects at any time. We were also told today that after this round of chemo they will do all of Gray’s bone scans and cat scans again to see how he is reacting to the chemo. We will find out at that time if his tumor is shrinking. While we are eager for the results we are also very nervous. We almost don’t want to know. Also, after this round of chemo the doctors will harvest Grayson’s bone marrow. We have SO many questions surrounding the harvesting of the bone marrow. Whew. Today seemed like a whirlwind of big medical words, tons of information and never ending pokes and prods. It’s almost hard to fathom that the same thing will consume tomorrow, the next day, the next day and the day after that! It seems so ironic to willfully hand over our baby boy and have an awful, poisonous drug injected into his body…but we want to and will do anything to help Gray feel better. It’ll never be easy, though. Sigh. Please continue to pray for our little Grayson and for our family as well. We truly don’t want Gray to experience any side effects from his treatments. He doesn’t need anything else added to his plate. Our family needs rest, patience, understanding and peace especially during this next week. Please pray that we are able to communicate with the doctors in a way we will understand and that when we are home from the hospital we can enjoy our family time and continue to make memories together. We don’t want stress or exhaustion to take over our home.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  -Matthew 11:28-30

blood4gray

A huge thank you to great friends in Ponca City who recently organized a blood drive in Grayson’s honor. They had 37 donors attend the drive on Friday and still more people are walking into their local OBI clinic this week to donate! We are so grateful! Each time someone donates blood in Gray’s name he gets credit for it and then the next time he receives a blood transfusion the donated blood will help defer the cost of any blood Gray uses. What a blessing to our family! If you would like to donate blood in Gray’s name, you can go into any OBI clinic and let them know that you would like to donate blood in honor of Grayson Everaard being treated at OU Medical Center Children’s Hospital in Oklahoma City and Gray will receive credit. Thanks again to all our friends in Ponca City who took the time to organize such a great event. It means alot to know that so many people, both those we know and those we do not, took time out of their day to donate to our family.

“The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.”  -William James

a father’s love

This weekend the State of Oklahoma District Youth Department held an event in Tulsa called Convergence. This is an event where teens from across the entire state come together for worship, preaching and just alot of fun together! At Convergence Doug, Grayson’s dad, took the opportunity to share Gray’s story with the 2,000+ students and leaders in attendance. He shared the journey that Gray and our family have taken over the past two months and pointed out how Grayson and his story are being used for God’s glory! He encouraged every person in the room to take whatever is happening in their own lives and let it be a “tool” to be used by God. God promised that he could and would use the good, the bad and the ugly for His glory! We can either mope and moan about our problems or we can get up each day and use what we have and what we are living to reach as many people as we possibly can. While we, as a family, would never have chosen for our child to be sick and while we would much rather him be well and healthy instead of being a t-shirt and a prayer request we also know that what the diagnosis of “cancer” means for harm and pain and devastation God can use for good! We are trusting and believing that he is doing just that with our little baby boy! As a part of his message, Doug shaved his head in honor of Gray. He wanted to show the young people of our state the love that a father has for his son and in turn hope that each teenager would realize the love that God has for them. God sent his ONLY son to die for them and to save them from the sin of this world. He offered his son as a sacrifice and allowed him to suffer and die for us! Doug’s message resonated with everyone in the room. There wasn’t a dry eye in the auditorium and whether or not everyone could relate personally with our story they could see, through us sharing something so personal, the love our heavenly father has for each and every one of us. It was a powerful service. Also, at Convergence, some friends of ours put together a Pray4Gray table where they sold t-shirts, wristbands and necklaces to raise money for our family and to help pay Gray’s medical bills. Again, this is so humbling but we were beyond grateful! The t-shirts sold like wildfire and it was truly amazing to see all the young people and leaders of our state wearing shirts bearing the name of our tiny son! Thank you to everyone who purchased Gray Gear this weekend and a more important thank you to all who took a moment to pray for our baby boy. Your prayers are the most powerful way you can help Gray and our family during this time. Please pray with us this week as Gray begins his second round of chemo. This is the first time he has done outpatient chemo so we are a bit anxious to see how he will react and what side effects he may have. This round of treatment is five consecutive days, Monday through Friday. We will be at the hospital approximately six hours each day with each treatment so it will be a long and exhausting process for the entire family. We are just praying that Gray will have minimal side effects and that our family will have the strength to make it through the week, one day at a time. Please also pray for our oldest son, Seth. We hope that he will have patience and understanding during the weeks where our family isn’t home together very much and where Gray may need extra attention and care. Like we said this weekend at Convergence, so many of you have asked how you can help us and, even though it may seem like you’re doing nothing when you pray, prayer is truly the most powerful thing in our world right now! We know that each prayer is strengthening our family and as each of you stand in the gap for our son we are moments closer to a miracle!

“I saw the Lord always before me, Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices: my body also will live in hope, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.”  -Acts 2:25-28

just live today!

Gray had his blood work done again yesterday and when the results came back we were very excited to hear good news, yet again! Gray’s white blood cell counts were still over 9,000!!!! His immune system is still doing well!!!! Besides still exhibiting a bit of aggression, Grayson has truly been mostly himself. We’re thankful for that. His smile is as big as ever and, yes, he’s still an awnry 2-year-old boy!! Someone asked us recently how Gray was feeling and our response was “he’s feeling well enough to get into trouble…” As you can see, Gray got some new shades today!! If this sweet little boy and that huge contagious smile don’t remind you to enjoy every moment and make the most of every single day then I honestly don’t think anything will. Please pray with us as we prepare for Grayson to begin his second round of chemo next week. He has outpatient treatments Monday through Friday. We know that God is doing a work in Gray’s body and while we continue to pray for a complete healing we also pray that his chemo treatments attack the cancer and do what they are supposed to do. We also pray for wisdom among each doctor and nurse who cares for Gray.

“Live one day at a time. When we worry about tomorrow’s problems we miss out on today’s blessings.” -Robby McClure

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