October 17, 2010 in Uncategorized with 18 Comments

I thought it looked like Gray’s hair was beginning to fall out during this past week. I’m not sure if it was denial but I just kept pushing the thought from my mind. I would tell myself that I was just paranoid and looking for hair loss and therefore “seeing things” but then Gray would come around the corner and I would see his little head and just KNOW that he was losing hair. By the end of the week I was so confused as to whether or not this was actually happening that I called on a friend for a second opinion. When she confirmed that Gray’s hair was looking a bit thinner and patchier then normal I finally knew that it wasn’t “all in my head.” We had plans to go to church Sunday morning but when we woke up Gray had lost even more hair overnight and there was no denying what it was time for. We had to shave Gray’s head. I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t ready. It was a hard morning. Like I said yesterday, it’s not only difficult to come to terms with the fact that your baby has cancer but then to add to that the fact that, at such a young age, he has lost his innocence. He has lost his opportunity to be a carefree two-year-old boy who truly believes a superhero can save the day and that evil is something that only exists in comic books and movies. He has come to the sudden realization that the world can be scary, that bad things really do happen to good people and that life isn’t always fair. Reality slapped me upside the head this morning and I just wanted to get it over with.

It was a shock to see little Gray with no hair, shock being an under statement! But he still looks so cute! He still has those big blue eyes and that awnry grin! He’s still Gray! Honestly, I think all the “grown-ups” in Grayson’s life have had a harder time with this newest developement then he has! Really, I think he kind of likes it! While we mourn the loss of Gray’s innocence, the loss of his hair and the now obvious signs of his cancer Gray doesn’t have a care in the world! Some of his friends even came by this afternoon and Gray ran around the backyard with them, played with toys all the while laughing and smiling! Yet another lesson from our tiny two year old. While we adults cry and plead hoping that our tears will somehow compel God to work faster in healing our baby, Gray simply goes on with life. He rolls with the punches and doesn’t let too much bother him. It’s amazing how God can teach us so much through a tiny little person. God truly does work in mysterious ways. We’re certainly proud of our little boy. He was so brave while we shaved his head. He’s quite the little trooper! Please continue to pray for our family as we cope with the daily changes in Grayson and in our family routine. We still need rest too. We also begin another round of outpatient chemo treatments in a week and so we would appreciate your prayers for Grayson to handle his treatments well and to not suffer too many more side effects. We, as his parents, also need prayers for strength and courage during this time.

“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  -Psalm 34:17-18