December 15, 2010 in Uncategorized with 13 Comments

Whew. Where to begin…??? The past week has been a series of “downs” with few ups to keep our spirits high. Gray honestly didn’t get too sick with his last round of chemo. The nurses were really good about making sure he had medicine to keep him from feeling nauseous and it worked for the most part. We did have one incident while admitted to the hospital. Gray was playing in the children’s wing playroom while receiving his chemo treatment and his tubing somehow got caught as he was walking and it snapped the line in two! Chemo was spilling all over the floor! I ran down to the nurses station to get help and when we came back not only chemo was leaking but blood was dripping onto the floor as well. I guess when the sudden pressure of the chemo being pushed into Gray’s body was interrupted by the break in the line that pressure reversed and so blood was coming out through the chemo line and spilling onto the floor. I was totally freaked out! The nursing staff had to sanitize EVERYTHING and reset Gray’s chemo bag. It was crazy! The only response from Gray, though, was a high pitched “Uh-Oh!!” as soon as he realized his line had broke! Ha! Since leaving the hospital Gray has had a really hard time sleeping, which of course means the whole family has had a hard time sleeping. Gray has began crying and screaming out in his sleep. He screams things like “No, Mama, No!” and when we try to comfort him he fights us. It’s not only scary for us but also heartbreaking. There’s nothing we can do. Please, please pray that Gray will be able to sleep better and that he will have peace during this time. He may only be three but he’s quite smart. Today, we were supposed to take Gray to clinic to have his blood levels checked post chemo but the entire process was a fight and so we rescheduled for tomorrow. Not only was it a struggle to get Gray dressed but when we attempted to put him into his car seat he put up such a strong fight that we eventually gave in. Sigh. We know he’s scared and we know he’s catching on to what is going on around him and so we just pray for peace in his tiny mind and body. It’s torture for him. It’s torture for us. We would also appreciate your prayers for us as a family. Please pray for endurance. It may sound awful to say but now that the “newness” of Gray’s diagnosis has kind of worn off all we are left with is cancer. At first, this entire process was a whirlwind of visitors, gifts, phone calls, well wishes, cards, doctor’s appointments, hospital stays, surgeries and a whole lot of learning about our new life. Now, though, that we have settled into a new routine and our life has resumed some form of normalness it’s almost as if the cancer weighs even heavier on our minds. We have more time to think. More time to wonder. Mentally this cancer, this new life, is taking its toll on us. At this point, I guess we don’t need or even want anything tangible. We really, truly need the things that only God can provide. We need strength, perseverance, hope and patience. While we have so greatly appreciated all the monetary donations and gifts and we welcome them in the future we simply need God to take over. We know in our minds that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength but now we just need to feel that in our souls. It’s such an easy verse to recite but so much more difficult to live out in the face of something like cancer. Thank you all so much for your continued support, thoughts and prayers. Even on the bad days we feel your prayers strengthening us and helping us through each day and even each minute and second.

“I need thee every hour most gracious Lord. No tender voice like thine can peace afford. I need thee, Oh I need thee. Every hour I need thee. Oh bless me now my saviour, I come to thee.”