March 21, 2011 in Uncategorized with 19 Comments

Last Wednesday, Gray had to go through his remaining tests before his scheduled stem cell transplant this week. He also had another bone marrow biopsy first thing in the morning. The biopsy went well. We don’t have any results yet but we are hoping and praying for great news! When Gray was waking up from his surgery sedation he was doing and saying some pretty cute and funny things! He was convinced that there were “men walking on the ceiling” and he kept asking me what they were doing…??? Of course, I couldn’t see these “men” but Gray was pretty concerned about why they were there! It was hard not to let out a little laugh! He’s so cute! From the variety of tests that Gray underwent last week we have received some results. They aren’t great but according to Grayson’s doctors they could be worse. First, Gray’s kidneys aren’t functioning at the level they had hoped. They are still working well enough to proceed with treatment but they were hoping for better results. They will simply continue monitoring his kidneys during this week’s transplant as it will be the hardest thing Gray’s little body has had to endure thus far. We also learned that Gray has lost some of his high frequency hearing. Obviously, we weren’t happy to hear that he had lost any hearing at all but the nurses assured us that it could be much worse. If you can count that as reassurance. It’s definitely a reality check each time you hear how your baby’s treatment is effecting his body. The reality that Gray really is fighting cancer, fighting for his life, slaps you in the face yet again. It’s also a constant reminder that this fight will be something that follows him for the rest of his life. Not only will he have to undergo cancer scans yearly (if not more often) for all of his life but he will also be forced to deal with hearing loss and a variety of other tests simply to make sure his body is working as it should. Just working enough to live. It’s a harsh reality but something that we try hard not to think about in our day to day. In this moment we simply try to focus on getting our baby well. Getting him healthy. This morning Gray is checking into the hospital for his 30 day stem cell transplant. Today he has surgery to install another port into his chest and then tomorrow he will begin a week long chemo treatment to prepare him for the transplant. We cannot ask enough or thank you enough for your prayers during this time. We thought that chemo treatments were scary but in comparison to what Gray will have to go through over the next month chemo seems like the easy part! We are told that this stem cell trasnplant can and will make Grayson “violently ill”. He will suffer unimaginable side effects and will most likely stop eating or drinking. They will feed him through a tube. There are so many harsh side effects that we can’t and don’t want to list them all. We are doing our best to keep our faith and know that for whatever reason God’s plan for Gray is to walk through this trial. God’s plan for our family is to walk with him. At the moment, we can’t begin to imagine why but all we can do is trust that our God is loving and kind and wouldn’t ask us to endure anything we cannot handle. As impossible as that may seem at times. Taking Gray to the hospital this morning is really tough. It’s a drive that we’ve made hundreds of times at this point but this time it feels different. We know what we’re about to ask Gray to endure and yet he has no idea.

These past few weeks at home have been wonderful. They have allowed us to live normally. We have been reminded of who our little Grayson really is! He’s an awnry, energetic and very sweet three-year-old boy and we absolutely hate to put him through what he’s about to go through. While we know, as his parents, that this is what is good for him in the long run it’s still hard to watch our baby get so sick knowing that he doesn’t understand in his young mind that really this is making him better. Please pray that we will have peace. We need peace that truly passes all understanding. There is no handbook that prepares you for what we have had to walk through thus far and we know that the month-long road ahead will ask us to endure more then we ever thought we could. We need God to strengthen us in moments when we are weak and allow us to rest at times when we think it is impossible. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this upcoming hospital stay would be impossible to endure without our friends, our family, your prayers and most importantly without our God. Thank you so much for all you’ve given us so far in Gray’s fight against cancer. We can’t thank you enough for praying without ceasing and fighting right along with us. And we simply want to thank you in advance for continuing to stand with us during this next phase of treatment. It’s not going to be easy, and we aren’t going to pretend that it is, but we know that in every moment there are so many praying with us and believing with us. That alone gives us endurance and strength to move forward. Your faith strengthens our faith when we don’t see any way to stand another day. Gray’s last meal at home before going to the hospital was, of course, cheese and chocolate milk! He never ceases to crack us up! He and his monkey (who’s name is “monkey”) shared their shredded cheese but I’m pretty sure Gray kept all of the chocolate milk for himself!

“But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure. I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign Lord; I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone.” Psalm 71: 14-16