July 12, 2011 in Uncategorized with 9 Comments

We had been told that proton therapy was one of the hardest things we would go through within Gray’s cancer treatment, but after seeing him go through chemo and losing his hair and getting so sick we weren’t sure anything could be worse…but we were wrong! Proton therapy should go by a different name because “therapy” makes it sound soothing or relaxing in some way (i.e. massage therapy) but it couldn’t be further from relaxing! As the proton therapy attacks the cancer in Gray’s body it, unfortunately, also attacks his joints causing him to suffer severe pain throughout the treatment. To help with the pain Gray is on a morphine drip throughout his entire hospital stay that keeps him very drugged up and while it does subdue the pain he still moans and whines even in his sleep! There’s honestly no more helpless a feeling then to listen to your baby whimper in their sleep and know that there’s nothing you can do to take away the pain. Proton therapy also poses a variety of possible side effects and Gray did experience some of those during his first round of treatments. Only a couple of days into the therapy, Gray’s fever spiked. We had been warned by his doctors that this would probably happen but were hopeful that Gray would escape this side effect. Gray’s blood pressure also dropped to a dangerous level one night during his treatment and the doctors were prepared to stop the proton therapy all together if his blood pressure didn’t return to normal quickly. It was an intense and very scary time. Thankfully, though, Gray’s blood pressure rose to an acceptable level and we were able to complete his treatment. That night may have been the most scared we have been throughout this entire year. It’s impossible to put into words what was going on in our minds and hearts during those late night hours. Proton therapy is very scary but we also have great hope that it will be worth it. We had the pleasure of meeting a mother in the clinic one day who’s son had gone through proton therapy years earlier and she assured us that it made a world of difference in his life. There’s no denying that the next six months of proton therapy will be long, tiring and even pose some of the scariest days we’ve endured to date but we hope and pray that we will one day sit in clinic and be able to give the same encouragement to another worried family. Gray is also back on daily medications at home. He has to take prescription medications by mouth twice a day and is also back on daily shots. Please pray that these meds will do their job without causing any side effects and also pray that Gray takes his medicine with little fight to mom and dad! The prescription pills in particular are very serious, potent drugs and we can’t pray enough that he doesn’t have any of the potential side effects possible with it. Gray is also growing up and getting older and has become very suspicious anytime we try to sneak his medicines into a food or drink and so it’s getting more and more difficult to “trick him” into taking his medicine everyday. Your prayers are greatly appreciated! We wanted to share with you another picture from Gray’s most recent stay in the hospital. These three girls volunteer at the hospital. They are part of a leadership team from Mustang High School, who actually adopted Gray and helped raise money for him this past school year! When these girls saw that Gray was in the hospital, they were sweet enough to come to our room to visit him and see how he is doing. Unfortunately, Gray was pretty out of it from all of the morphine but it was nice to have visitors and so kind of them to think of us!

Life in our home lately has had huge ups and huge downs. It’s like the most extreme emotional roller coaster ride you can imagine, times one thousand! On the up side, Gray’s eyelashes and eyebrows have grown back and thankfully his eyelashes are just as long and thick as they were before he received his cancer diagnosis! As a mom, I was hoping to see those “heartbreaker” lashes return! Gray’s hair is also growing back and we actually just gave him his first post-chemo haircut! He’s looking older and more grown up everyday! On the down side, though, Gray still has cancer and we still live each and everyday fighting it with all the energy we can muster. The lowest moments, of course, are those spent in the hospital as Gray receives painful treatments and is forced to endure things no person (or child for that matter) should ever be asked to go through. At home, it’s difficult to maintain balance between our “cancer life” and our “family life” and also simply perform the day to day tasks of giving Gray his meds and trying to maintain some form of a family routine. Cancer is ugly. There’s no other way to describe it. Ugly. Through the darkest moments, though, you can never know how much it helps to know that so many are praying for us and for Gray each and every day! We love you all and only hope that one day we could thank each of you personally. Gray has blood tests this coming Monday and then is admitted to the hospital for his second round of proton therapy on Tuesday. Please keep us in your prayers.

“One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.” Psalm 27:4-5